Is or Looks Like Both

By Thomas Creen, MJ • Phoenix, AZ

There is a saying about consecrated life that may also apply to marriage. It says that when someone first joins consecrated life (meaning here the life of a community practicing the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience), that person looks like a saint but is not a saint. After a while in consecrated life – several years perhaps – the person no longer looks like a saint and really still isn’t a saint yet. After a few decades in consecrated life, the person still doesn’t look like a saint, but actually has become a saint. And after many, many years in consecrated life, the person starts to look like a saint and really is a saint.

Does something similar occur in the married vocation? If so, it seems it would sound like this: When people first get married, it looks like they really love each other, but they don’t. Then after several years together, it seems like they do not really love each other and they really don’t. After a few decades of married life together, it doesn’t seem to outsiders that the spouses really love each other but they really do. And after many, many years of marriage, the couple gives the impression that they really love each other and they actually really do.

If these observations are true, then it seems that the true test of love is time. But time is not only the test, but also the furnace that forges true love. So we shouldn’t be too elated at the beginning of our vocation. And we shouldn’t get discouraged in the middle when we realize how faulty our relationships with the Lord and others seem to be. It’s a process leading to perfection, to true love, for those who remain faithful.

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