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Testimony of Faith My name is Magdalena Nowicka. I am from Poland and am 22 years old. I was born into a Catholic family but not everybody behaved as a Catholic. I attended Mass every Sunday, but i couldn’t find the living Jesus. Every Mass looked the same. I don’t even know why i even went to Sunday Mass. I didn’t feel God’s presence in my everyday life. I felt very lonely. There were a lot of family problems. My father is an alcoholic and all of us at home were becoming his prisoners. God seemed unjust, not interested in our problems, and i blamed Him for giving me an alcoholic father. I was trying to find someone i could talk to and who would understand me and could give me some advice. I found some friends who were helping me, but this kind of help was taking me away from God and brought me more personal problems. I started going to night clubs, drinking and smoking cigarettes. I totally lost myself. My friends then, were like me, without Jesus in their life. Three years ago i began studies at a university with the hope that i would finally straighten out my life. But through almost two and a half years i led the same life. When i lost all hope, when i didn’t know how to handle my life, i finally turned to God. That was a year and a half ago. I was sitting in church during Sunday Mass. I really wanted to receive Holy Communion, but i realized that i couldn’t because i hurt God so much my whole life. I was a big sinner, the result of living without God. Two days later i went to confession; it was a confession of my entire life. Since then everything has changed. I’m not saying that God took away all my problems. No, He didn’t, but He changed my heart, my beliefs, my whole attitude towards life. He gave me faith and love. He told me not to be afraid because He would always help me. Later on God gave me real friends, friends who told me “...God is the only One Who can help you…” and, what was important, they started to pray for me and my family. I started to love my family, my friends and all the people around me including myself. I started to seek for God in church, prayer groups, reading; to forget about myself and took interest in the needs of others and help them to go to the Father. I spent a whole year in that way. God gave me the grace to overcome bad habits. I made a lot of important decisions and offered my life to Him many times. After the third year of my studies, i came to America, this past June. It was my first big trip, far away from my home and country. Before i left i had an inner sense that i would have some mission here. Back in Poland, i applied for a students’ summer program and i got a job at the United Methodist Church camp in California. During my daily duties i was looking for God in each person. Sometimes it was very difficult, people with whom i worked were from all over the world and were so different from me in the most important aspect, God. They really weren’t living for Him but liked to talk with me about their problems. I saw how they suffered and the only thing that i could do was pray for them. Often when i had some problems or was sad, i went to a special place with a beautiful view of the mountains, sky and a cross. I used to go there to pray and talk with God about my sufferings. One day i was told that there was a Catholic group coming. This made me so happy knowing that there would be a Catholic priest and Mass every day. Every day i attended the Mass and i was getting closer to God. Brad invited me to visit the Miles Jesu community in Chicago for a vocation retreat. I was afraid because i had already my plans (go back to Poland and have a good family, husband and four kids) but God also had His plans. I really wanted to know what God wanted me to do with my life. Guess what? My vocation was confirmed but i was still very afraid of it. At the same time, i knew i couldn’t live without God. He gave me new life. He rescued me when i was in my mother’s womb (my mom and dad wanted to abort me). He gave me peace and Love. Finally i am happy and peaceful and i want to serve God, help people to find God and to tell them “…don’t be afraid anymore, God loves you so much…”. In the beginning of the path of learning and knowing God’s Love, it is common to have many doubts and fears. I am aware and i can see that there is a war between Goodness and evil, my soul and heart fight against my ego, feelings and selfishness. Now i really need a lot of God’s Grace to win the battle so i can become a humble and faithful servant of God. |